Late night/early morning conversations

I had slept off early... had to wake up early... and studying for a few hours had tired me, I was not used to it anymore. At 2.30 am, a phone call woke me up (I guess I am the call-me-anytime sort of a friend)... after we hung up, I realized Nick is online... the insomniac that he is.

Me: Why are you up?

Nick: trying to figure out which one of them is you...

Me: where?

Nick: here
Me: Thats my fav teacher there... Miss Ruby

Nick: Man, it is difficult to figure out

Me: Let me help... 2nd row, 2nd from the left. Don't mind the bad haircut. The nuns realized they had had enough of my long tresses and went chop chop with them. My sis was horrified when she saw me. She is 6 yrs elder and we were in the same boarding. I remember, when I joined the convent I didn't know what shoe to wear on which foot. I always got them wrong and then one of the "big" girls would correct me.

Nick: Lol... this might sound crazy, but I faced the same problem too. So, mom had put big color stickers... "R" for red and "L" for left...

Me: So cool... my mom had painted names of days on handkerchieves with a cartoon... I carried one for each day of the week

I love late night/early morning conversations... Anyway, I better catch some sleep now. Yawn!!!

A realization

Something that I realized yesterday...

When things are meant to be, nothing can prevent it... everything falls into place without making any efforts
When things are not meant to be, nothing can make it work... you may cry, plead, beg, cajole, manipulate and it may still not bring any fruitful results

So, should we stop making efforts... become complacent???

My fav AD- Doodh Ad

What a catchy tune... Everytime I watch it, I decide to drink milk more often

Crushed Rose

I lie on the floor like a crushed rose,
petals scattered by the wind,
waiting for some to pick me
and give me life.

You approach me,
I look at you with a yearning,
your feet stamp my already limp body
and hurry away without any guilt

There is still some blood in my veins,
I want to live, I want to love,
But I am scared
So, I lay there.. scarred and crying.

I don't hear your footsteps,
you pick me up slowly and gently,
feed my thirsty body,
and wait beside me while I heal.

Confused... but happy

I break up my aim into small objectives and then I work on achieving each of these:

Aim: To learn swimming asap

Obj1: Get over fear of water (love the water.So, this was not a problem).... check
Obj2: Stay afloat in 5 ft water.... check
Obj3: Leg-beating in water.... check
Obj4: Hand movements.... check
Obj5: Swim half width in 5 ft water... check
Obj6: Jump in 5 ft water and then swim to the edge... check
Obj7: Jump in 10.5 ft water and then swim to the edge... check
Obj8: Swim half width in 10.5 ft.... check
Obj9: Breathe while swimming (damn difficult)... check
Obj10: Swim full width 10.5 ft.... (finally, I succeeded)... check
Obj11: Swim full width and also breathe... check
Obj12: Swim half length of pool...
Obj13: Swim full length of pool
Obj14: Dive

Small achievements which make my day... but no-one to share them with...

This is probably how it goes:

Me: Guess what, I swam in 10.5 ft water today... cool na?
(I look at people with such expectation that they have to fake excitement)
Him/Her: Damn cool yaar... You are progressing well
(probably wondering: Whats the big deal!!! Why is she such a kid)

And I wish there was someone I could just talk stupid stuff with... I am so tired of trying to be sensible, grown-up, mature, professional, distrusting... and not succeeding.

Why am I alone... even though I am not lonely???

I want to go back to being the kid I used to be... I want to be myself... There is a constant inner conflict between who I am and who I am supposed to be...
Is that whats keeping me away from everyone right now???
'Coz I am not sure???
'Coz I am not sure what is right and what is wrong???
'Coz I am not sure how I am supposed to be feeling???

Damn... Life is confusing... but I am happy... weird combo???

Some dreams

I woke up late... missed swimming, but I was not worried; would make up for it in the evening. It was a beautiful morning, but something was nagging me... There was something at the back of my mind... some thoughts, and I was trying to figure it out. Yes, of course... I had dreamed something; something important... And then it all came back to me. I was shaken up.

I have closed my mind and heart to some things... but there are still in my subconscious and they are chasing me through dreams... Yes, it was a good dream... but I'd rather die than admit that this is what I want... a healing incident for my bruised heart and it sickens me to think about it.

After winning the fight with my heart and then my mind; now it is time to wage a war with my subconscious and damn, I am going to win. What is the point of a will power, otherwise?

Femina

I was reading (yep, usually I just browse through the clothes, females, shoes etc) Femina today. Somehow, none of the articles seemed genuine... there was nothing said that people don't already know... I mean, all of it sounded so made up; like they had been told what to say... Maybe, I have become cynical.

Anyway, there was an article on female foeticide... the first part covered the despondent state of female child in India and how foeticide is quite common. Very informative and an eye-opener. The second half covered modern mothers with their daughters. I was shocked... Why couldn't they have interviewed mothers in rural areas who stood up for their daughters. How can you highlight the problem of rural areas and then jump to the urban areas to describe how great things are. Urban India is booming... the divide between the rural and urban is increasing... Things are changing; but not fast enough.

Characters: S1 (female) and S2 (male)
Situation: S1 and S2 are sitting in the class... I am right behind them... S1 is reading Femina... S2 is trying really hard to get her attention.

After 15 mins, I see S2 reading the Femina...

(I don't know why guys find women's magazine fascinating... Can someone enlighten me, plz? I would never be caught reading a Men's mag... anyway, it probably covers girls, gadgets, vehicles... When I start earning, maybe I will have a peek (at the gadgets and cars... not the girls... :P) )

Me: Hey, what are you reading?
S2: Umm.. there is an interesting article in here
Me: Which column is that??? Agony aunt? Marital problems? Love issues? Legal problems? Or... Umm, you-know-what problems???
S2 (embarrassed): Lady, you are so dead.

Crush

Ok... Don't ask me why I am posting this song 'coz I am not going to reveal it and nope, asking me wont help... Except that, it feels good...

Here are the lyrics:
You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything i wish i did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you

I know i should tell you how i fell
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time time you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me thing that i don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

Ooh, I wish i could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush

You say everything that no one says
But i feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you
I've got a crush...

Bolte sitare

I have been studying about the zodiac signs since 9th std... My friend Ritu is (maybe, was) an expert on them... Have read "Sun Signs" and "Love Signs" by Linda Goodman... I judge the signs based on my experience with various people... knowing a person's zodiac helps me to adjust my behavior... You may accuse me of trying to manipulate here... let me explain. Nobody can be "him/her self" at all times... we all have different faces and nobody has seen all of them. The zodiac helps me decide which face should be shown... Yes, I do believe in the zodiac; but I am not sure how accurate are future predictions... so, I will not comment on those.
I am a gemini, a typical one and in this post takes you through my views about each zodiac sign... they are purely based on my experience.

Aries: I have very few Aries friends... they are not the most stable people... love mingling with people... are honest and have a certain depth... intellectual... can be self-centred... absolutely fun to be with... sensitive and they have a very calm and soothing presence. I gel well with Aries... the friendship borders on passionate... with ideas flying around... they are very easy to talk to.

Taurus: My best friend is a taurean... one of the most committed people I know, have a scary temper which is slow to flare... very, very patient... most of them have a muscular build since their symbol is a bull... people listen when they talk... stubborn, reliable, steady, dedicated, ambitious... I have no issues with Taureans... we may or may not be friends

Gemini: Where do I begin? They are the sign of twins... two people in one body, both opposites... yes, thats why they contradict themselves so much... funny, detached, creative, confused, multi-tasking... they love change... they are not great fans of commitment and loyalty. I don't get along very well with Geminis... I have only one Gemini friend... I guess, the similarity in our natures ruins the friendship after a point of time...

Cancer: I detest this zodiac sign... but they are not to blame... they are sensitive, secretive... they hide under a hard shell which makes them do things to protect themselves... they are most prone to cheating... I don't know any cancerian who has not cheated on their partner at some point or the other... they are amazing sweet talkers... I do not trust any Cancerian males... they always start by sweet talking me (which does not work any more)... Cancerian females have a soothing presence...

Leo: They are my absolute favorites. Most of my (best) friends are leos... they are proud, arrogant, chivalrous, generous, sensitive, loyal, protective... I will tell you a secret; they love attention and flattery... and who better than a Gemini to provide it to them. Geminis and leos have a connection... they compliment each other... My leo friends understand me best, forgive me fastest and provide the security and stability I seek...

Virgo: One of my least fav zodiac... but I do have friends who are virgos, but we are not close and never will be... they believe in doing the "right" thing... love to nag... are closed minded, superficial, insensitive, hypocrites, stingy, cold hearted, unromantic... make good parents (both my parents are virgos)...

Libra: I don't respect this zodiac sign... the females are all air-heads (or atleast pretend to be)... the males are too confused to make a decision... not the most practical of people, they are quite innocent and naive... they are one of the most goodlooking people of the zodiac... but, they are very, very superficial.

Scorpio: I hate Scorpios... they hit you in the back (experience)... Remember the villians in Hindi movies??? They are all Scorpios... But, to their credit... they get what they want, through hook or crook... they are ambitious and success is inevitable for them... possessive to the extreme... blunt... I do have Scorpio friends...

Sagittarius: This is one wierd zodiac... lack tact, crack the dumbest PJs (my bro is a saggi), are very sensitive... but only to their feelings, not to anybody else's. I don't know much else about them.

Capricorn: I like Capricorn despite themselves... share an amazing chemistry with them. They are ambitious... they know where they want to go and they will do anything to get there... The difference between Scorpios and Capris is that, a scorpio may deliberately hurt you... capris will not go out of their way to do that... they usually keep to themselves... working on their ambition... they are manipulative (they will never agree to this)... if they need you, they will be absolute angels and when they don't... they will drop you like a hot potato... But yet, I like Capricorns...

Aquarius: I do not know much about them... they can be quite superficial, but somehow they are nice to talk to... not one of the most reliable people.

Pisces: I do not understand them... They are cynical, wallowing in self-pity, superficial, indifferent, insensitive...

Tales from the pool

1) Swimming classes: Rs 400
Swimsuit: Rs 300
Getting upgraded from 5 ft water depth to 10.5 ft : Priceless

2) I had always dreamed of a hobby/activity which could change my mood... something that could make me feel positive and forget everything. Earlier, I devoted myself to work (not studies), but it wasn't always effective... then, I took up walking at my fav place... but it brought back memories of moments I wanted to forget... then, I took up chatting on the net, works most of the time... and finally, I have found what I am looking for... swimming...

Some advantages:

• I love the water (ask mommy, if you don't believe me)... I take hrs for my bath
• It is a good exercise... 30-45 mins of swim drain me out
• Makes me feel refreshed and positive
• It helps me tan
  
• I meet girls from outside T... it feels good to know that there are sane, non-manipulative, non-bitchy people in this world
• After swimming, I grab a cup of tea... find a nice bench under the creepers and read my novel... Can life get any better??? (Umm.. sure, why not?)

3) Name: I don't know... didn't ask
Age: 7 yrs
School: ???
Common interests: Swimming

Her: Hi
Me: Hi
Her: I can swim across the width of the pool
Me: Damn good
Her: Yeah, I know.. and I have been coming for 10 days only... I don't come everyday... I come in middle middle only
Me: Umm... good. I have been coming for just a week now... and I can swim half way... (Sounds pathetic and boastful... but, in my defence she provoked me)
Her: Want me show you how to do it?
Me (grudgingly): Please do.... I need tips

What do I miss?

Him: So, tell me... What do you miss?

Me: Umm.... What do I miss?

I miss:

• my bed at home... in my room...
  
• the TV... a lot
• being hugged... with or without reason
• my friends... specially now that we have less time to spend with each other... and I am not comfortable about letting them know how I feel
• first love...
  
• good conversation
• being at home with the entire family... don't remember the last time we were together like that... don't know if we will be together like that again
• Ghar ka khana
  
• trusting people...
  

Life is imperfectly perfect

Had a near perfect day...

Update

She was in labour for 4 months.
We nurtured her, cared for her... and finally the day dawned when her water broke. She pushed and pushed.. yes, it hurt... there was a fear, a hundred things could go wrong despite our best efforts... we did not give up.

The Issue 1.2 of Life@TAPMI: Update was born and we rejoiced... take a peek at

http://www.tapmi.org/updateV2/home.html

Ek machhar aadmi ko???

Me: Nick, I just killed a huge machhar with my hands. It is stuck on the wall
Nick: killer ..... ek macchar....salla ek macchar................
Me: hehhehehe
Nick: aadmi ko to hijda bana deta hai....aurat ko kya banata hai?

question of the day?
Me: Umm... pata nahi... bolo na
Nick: hijda
Me: wat???
Nick: macchar does not discriminate... on the basis of sex. caste. color religion...
Me: hahahahhahaha... Guess what, I am clicking pics of the machhar... Am I crazy or really creative??? ;)
Nick: Well, there is a thin line that separates both... :P

Let me introduce Nick since he might feature regularly out here...an acquaintance from coll (don't remember talking to him in coll... ever), we have become friends since the last few months (Nick, can I call us 'friends'?)... has a damn good sense of humor... and is really sweet and nice.
I keep asking him;

"Nick, where can I find more guys like you???"

Home.... sweet home

It has been 7 months since I have been home... home, the place I would run away to when life became unbearable... Mom and dad always invited me with open arms... no questions asked. Sometimes, I would be on the verge of breaking down and they would give me my space... I crave to be home... to be among my own blood (blood is any day thicker than water).

It is sat night and I am in my room... hostel is deserted... Why do I put myself through this??? Because life is going to get more difficult after June... I will be in a place where I don't know anybody... no friends and no relatives. I will have to come to terms with my loneliness...

Life is never fair... sometimes it is imperfectly perfect and other times perfectly imperfect.

I wanted my dream job; I got it... How long did the happiness last? Now I want something else, but it eludes me... Even if I get it, how long will that happiness last? It is a vicious circle.
I am tired of people talking to me because they want me to listen... Don't they realize that I have a life too??? I have feelings, moods, imperfect days... I cannot provide support everyday. On some days, I need to be hugged... on those days, I don't have the energy to distribute hugs.

Ok, bahut hua senti and philosophical talk... The machhar has grabbed my attention...

Guru

Watched Guru today...
A scene which I loved:

A: Aish
Ab: Abhishek

A and Ab are married.Ab is leaving for Mumbai to start his business... A is not going along. Apparently, Ab had asked her, but she refused. When he is leaving, this is the scene at the station:

A: Mat jaao
Ab: Kya?
A: Mat jaao
Ab: Jab maine pucha toh tumne mana kar diya tha
A: Toh, phir se nahi puch sakte the?
Ab: Par tumhara saamaan?
A: Sheher se 4 sarees nahi khardkar de sakte?
Ab: Aur train ke liye ticket?
A: Tumhari godh (lap) mein bedhne ke liye ticket chahiye kya?

And then Ab gets off the moving train, grabs her hand and they both get on the train.
One of the most romantic scenes I have seen in a long time.

It is so typical of women to beat round the bush.. they just don't come to the point... Anyway, men have a low EQ level... poor guys are only left confused. Women don't realize that thinking to such a level is beyond them.

Introduction to Remix

Remix, on Star One, is my fav soap... Anvesha is my fav character.. bold, independent, passionate, spunky... hmm, kindof identify with her.

Emotions

Task: Presentation on Emotions
Constraints: Time for presentation <15 mins
Requirements: Make it as creative as possible
Course: Emotional Intelligence
Group Name: Senses

Hmm... how do you depict emotions in the most creative and interesting way???
We portrayed the emotions by narrating the speeches from Shakespeare's plays:

1) Emotion: Hatred
Play: Merchant of Venice
Speech by: Shylock

"Signior Antonio, many a time and oft
In the Rialto you have rated me
About my moneys and my usances:
Still have I borne it with a patient shrug,
For sufferance is the badge of all our tribe.
You call me misbeliever, cut-throat dog,
And spit upon my Jewish gaberdine,
And all for use of that which is mine own.
Well then, it now appears you need my help:
Go to, then; you come to me, and you say
'Shylock, we would have moneys:' you say so;
You, that did void your rheum upon my beard
And foot me as you spurn a stranger cur
Over your threshold: moneys is your suit
What should I say to you? Should I not say
'Hath a dog money? is it possible
A cur can lend three thousand ducats?' Or
Shall I bend low and in a bondman's key,
With bated breath and whispering humbleness, Say this;
'Fair sir, you spit on me on Wednesday last;
You spurn'd me such a day; another time
You call'd me dog; and for these courtesies
I'll lend you thus much moneys'?"

http://www-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/merchant/
merchant.1.3.html

2) Emotion: Mercy
Play: Merchant of Venice
Speech by: Portia

"The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea;
Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there."

http://www-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/merchant/merchant.4.1.html


3) Emotion: Jealousy
Play: Othello
Speech by: Othello

"It is the cause, it is the cause, my soul,--
Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars!--
It is the cause. Yet I'll not shed her blood;
Nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow,
And smooth as monumental alabaster.
Yet she must die, else she'll betray more men.
Put out the light, and then put out the light:
If I quench thee, thou flaming minister,
I can again thy former light restore,
Should I repent me: but once put out thy light,
Thou cunning'st pattern of excelling nature,
I know not where is that Promethean heat
That can thy light relume. When I have pluck'd the rose,
I cannot give it vital growth again.
It must needs wither: I'll smell it on the tree.

Kissing her

Ah balmy breath, that dost almost persuade
Justice to break her sword! One more, one more.
Be thus when thou art dead, and I will kill thee,
And love thee after. One more, and this the last:
So sweet was ne'er so fatal. I must weep,
But they are cruel tears: this sorrow's heavenly;
It strikes where it doth love. "

http://www-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/othello/othello.5.2.html

4) Emotion: Love
Play: Romeo and Juliet
Speech by: Romeo

"But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!"

http://www-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/romeo_juliet/full.html

Load nahi lene ka

Me: Hi... have you ever gone paranoid?
N: Lots of times
Me: I am going paranoid these days... there are a lot of reasons or maybe everything that happens builds it up...
N: Even I am paranoid
Me: meaning?
N: no proper sleep... walking around like I have seen a ghost... though my reasons of going paranoid are less than yours.. but I can understand
Me: but they are stupid reasons... mine, I mean
N: arre, toh kya hua? mera to maha-stupid reason hai.. load nahi lene ka zyada...
Me: so, you do agree they are stupid reasons?
N: of course... all matters of the heart are stupid only
Me: sometimes, pata nahi mujhe kya ho jaata hai. It is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Has the student (N) become the teacher (me);
the victim, the protector;
the seeker, the giver???

Relationships are such complex webs... It is so easy to talk to some people and with others, you may struggle for hours to find something in common.

The cloud of gloom surrounding me has lifted and my good spirits are back...


Here is a conversation with a geek... he is my groupie and we (actually, he) are wondering when is the the next class scheduled since we have to prepare the ppt for it... I couldnt care less:

R: we dont have class this week.. it is next tuesday
Me: really? did he (faculty) send a mail?
R: check the routine, it is on the intranet... did u check the timetable?
Me: nope
R: just confirm it, so I can be relaxed... plz
Me: how do I confirm it?
R: ask someone, A1 or A2
Me: why dont u ask someone??? how about ur roomie?
R: has my roomie taken the course?
Me: does it matter? We all have the same timetable
R: ok, I just checked... no class on sat... u can also confirm it, but u will not do that
Me: obviously... I dont want to get up from my bed
R: here is the mail... check ur gmail... NOW
Me: ok... good, now we will talk about the course on monday... bye.
R: yaa, now I am relaxed and sleep peacefully... sorry, but these are the consequences of having a geek as your groupie

The moon, stars, sea, beach, sun.... @6 am

@ 6 am:

Chalu ho ja Dhanno, chalu ho ja... Apni izzat ka sawal hai

@ 7 am:

Rays of hope

The lone traveller

Decluttering

I am decluttering. Clutter holds the positive and negative energy in a stagnant state. To remove the negative energy which has been accumulating for years now... I have revamped my internet presence...

I had 2 options:

1) Delete and block unwanted people... from messenger; delete old mails... from inbox. I would need ample time for this... since I have stuck to these e-mail addresses for yrs now. There some people I have not chatted with since school days...

2) Create new accounts... add imp people in friends' list... The uninterested ones will not go through the trouble of adding me...

I chose the 2nd option 'coz I prefer to discard the old and move on to the new.

I read an inspiring article about decluttering... (http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/5-31-2006-97829.asp)


"The secret to decluttering your brain is to figure out what you can and can’t change. Maybe the only thing you can change about certain situations is your attitude."

"Decluttering your mind is the ultimate "letting go." It’s a necessary part of self-care that we rarely acknowledge, let alone do anything about."

"Ditch the worry, the frustration, the anger, and anything else that’s cluttering your mind’s closet. You’ll be glad you did."


Some events have been erased from my life and I am glad... there are no unanswered questions (if there are, I am not asking them).

It is over and I have no regrets... I feel rejuvenated.

Kapyo...

After a really depressing night (lets not even get into it... raat gayi, baat gayi); I had the most amazing morning.

First, I went swimming at 6 am... imagine swimming under the dark, starry sky and watching the sunlight flood the pool after half an hour... It is heaven!!!

Second, one of the most interesting courses has begun: Marketing Communications (Advertising)... The classes are too, too good... Today, we analyzed ads and came up with alternative ads... You could see the creative juices oozing out...

Third, today is Uttrayan (Makar Sakranti)... I am not an avid kite flying person... but my dad is.. mom has been trying to learn for years now.. n my bro is disinterested... But, Gujarat is the place to be during Uttrayan... people are on the terrace from morning to night for 2 days... there is music, food, kites, strings (firkis), screaming... friends coming over... the sky is a labyrinth of colored paper... We will be flying kites today (there is a kite flying competition organized by WelfareCom)...

Downers: Memories are pulling me down and making me weak... hope this moment passes away.
Highs: Caught up with a friend after 8 years... the situation has changed, the people have changed... but the bond remains.

Life

Got this in the mail... Have modified it a little:

1. Falling in love... for the first time.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts... and the water spurts out of your mouth

3. A hot shower... on a really cold day

4. No lines at the supermarket

5. A special glance... from that someone special

6. Getting mail... from that someone special

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road... alone

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio... and dancing to it

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside...with hot tea, hot pakodas and a nice book

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Cold Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)... on a cold, cold, cold day

12. A bubble bath... alone???

13. Giggling... like a 15 year old

14. A good conversation... and a cup of coffee... all night

15. The beach... at 6 am

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter

17. Laughing at yourself... alone and with others

19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours... every night

20. Running through sprinklers... in that sexy, new dress and high heels

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all... specially when alone

22 Having someone tell you that you're beautiful... and mean it

23. Laughing at an inside joke... and feeling nostalgic

24. Friends... any day, any time, any where

25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep... Heaven!!!

27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner)... and the 2nd one, and the 3rd one, and the 4th one... actually, all of them.

28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

29. Playing with a new puppy... and him (the puppy) reciprocating to your caresses

30. Having someone play with your hair... on a day when you washed and conditioned them

31. Sweet dreams... every night

32. Hot chocolate... on a cold and frosty morning

33. Road trips with friends.

34. Swinging on swings.

35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger... and not breaking off

36. Making chocolate chip cookies... and devastating the kitchen in the process

37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies... which taste bad, but you pretend to like them

38. Holding hands with someone you care about... while crossing the street

39. Running into an old friend and realizingthat some things (good or bad) never change... even if people do

40. Watching the ____expression on someone's faces as they open a much desired present from you... even though they know exactly what you were going to gift them

41. Watching the sunrise... and thinking "Life is perfect"

42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

43. Knowing that somebody misses you... all the time

44. Getting a hug from someone... on those really lonely days

45. Knowing you've done the right thing,no matter what other people think... This one is the best.

The focus is on "Me"

This post has been inspired from here :

• "Good fences make good neighbours". Nobody knows everything about me... they never will.
• I am a typical Gemini
• My boredom level is 100 on a scale of 10
• The arterial system of the frog is the most fascinating thing I have studied
  
• I am damn possessive about my best friends... Someone else getting more attention from them invites my absolute jealousy...
  
• I am possessive about my books, laptop, cell phone, clothes, bed, cam etc...
  
• I am quite humble... to the point of down-playing my abilities or under-selling myself
• I hate telling strangers about myself... I usually make the other person talk to take attention away from me
  
• I cannot sweet talk unless I mean it
• I am a damn good flirt... when I bother to flirt... most of the times, I don't
• I don't believe in revenge... somehow, people who hurt me end up in deep shit...
• I believe in God...
  
• I always get as much as I deserve... not more, not less... I don't think I have ever been lucky
• I will make a good journalist
• I can work/study for 3 hours at a stretch without moving from my seat
• I have been nicknamed "Lady with a mission"
• I am a bad, bad liar and avoid lying... I just avoid the topic where I may have to lie
• A sense of humor is the biggest turn on for me
• Most people misunderstand me... and I prefer it that way
  
• I cannot watch Sadma without crying
• I love horror movies (have not watched many though)
• Family movies give me diabetes
• I love Boyzone, Enrique, Bryan Adams, Avril, Westlife
  
• I love Ronan Keating... he reminds me of my first crush
• I believe love lasts forever
• I cannot say "No"... I just say "Yes" and don't stick to it
  
• I love the net... I prefer chatting on the net than hanging out with acquaintances making lame conversation
• I cry after bad dates
• I don't like people who smoke
• I cannot smoke, thankfully
• I think drugs are for losers
• I learn from my mistakes
• I don't think I make a lot of mistakes
• My "I don't give a damn" attitude is a pretence
• I am a complete tom boy
• I can be a lady with all the airs, blushing, shyness; when I choose to
  
• I usually dress up for myself
• I check my mail everytime I open my eyes at night... even if it is 4 am
• I hate how fair I am... I try my best to tan.. has not worked as of yet
  
• I love "Choco minis" from Amul
• My fav dish is Khichadi... I don't go out on Sat nights, if Khichadi is served in the mess
• I end up eating Biryani/Pulav whenever I go out
• I have no issues with asking a guy out
• People usually end up confiding in me... and I wonder why
• Curiosity killed the cat... Someday, it will kill me too
• I love rules... I tend to stick to them
• My biggest fear is my loneliness
• I am a spendthrift
• I hate people asking me nosy questions like; "Where were you? Who are you going out with? What are you doing?"
  
• I am good with technology
  
• I have never been to a movie alone... but, someday I will
• I don't mind hanging out alone
• I love trying my hand at something new
  
• I walked out halfway through "Munna Bhai MBBS"... too diabetic for me.
  
• I am a geek (yes, yes, I admit it... A2, hope you are happy now)
• I can multi-task... It is very difficult for me to do one thing at a time
• I hate groups... I prefer one-to-one
• My fav compliment is: "Lady, you are quite funny"
  
• I have let out enough of my secrets
• I am a nice, harmless person

My Motto in life

My desktop wallpaper:

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations..."

Over-enthusiastic Geek

OG (Over-enthusiastic Geek) read this post and I admire his spirit... he took it in the most sporting manner (not everyone can do that):

OG: "The Geek Syndrome " huh.......arre....what did i do to u dear......that u wrote that stuff abt me...
Me: hehehhe... arre, it is a cute post
OG: but still itna bura sochthi ho mere bare me
Me: C'mon, bura kahan bola maine... I have not come across a geek like you
OG: have nthing else to do in life
Me: Your enthusiasm is adorable
OG: arre...i am passionate abt that subject
Me: I know that... I know how dedicated you are
OG: A small request... pls ab mere bare me math likhna ab.....plssssssssssss
Me: well.... i cant promise that... but, i dont repeat same topics... so, there is little chance i will write about u again
OG: arre....then i think lot more "Geek" post will come... have got 16 more sessions
Me: It may not... I have written enough about geeks
OG: likh le jo likhna hai... its fine. But do tell me, so that I can read it too...

I didn't think much about the conversation then... but:

Now, in class:

OG: Hi
Me: Hi
OG (grinning from ear to ear): 16 slides and 3 excel sheets
Me (embarrassed smile): Umm... wow
OG (giving me a look that says): "I am a geek and proud of it... take that, lady"
Me (embarrassed look): "Umm, umm, good for you... damn, I was not expecting you to read the post"

I admire OG's spirit and enthusiasm and geekiness...

It is easy to survive, but how many of us actually put in the best efforts into things we are passionate about??? .... even though people may not understand and may sometimes laugh at us???
(Referring to OG)


And how many of us are not intimidated by others' spirit and still drift along... surviving... and not caring? Thats difficult too...
(Referring to Me)

Chivalry is dead!!!

Yeah... chivalry is dead!!! Here are a few tips on chivalry... it works...

• Always open the door for the lady... no, no... not in coll... but if you go out with her; treat her like a lady if you want to be treated like a gentleman... All women appreciate small gestures. And ladies, always always say "Thank you" when the guy is courteous. A lot of guys are put off when women don't mention the golden word.. their response is; "Whats the point when the gal does not even notice it?"
• Opening car doors and pulling out the chair is considered loser behavior.. at least in India
• When you drop off the lady, don't leave until she is inside safe and sound... Leaving as soon as she steps off the vehicle is like banging the door on her face
• When eating out, guys should serve the food... it is a sweet gesture
• Guys should walk next to the road for safety reasons... This is the most important tip

Hmm... Guess I am done... too tired and sleepy to type more.

Met one of my closest friends today... I have not opened up this way with anyone else in such a short span of time.. We last met in june'05... I was a little nervous to face him. The trip was an impulsive one.

Him: Hi... My life is falling apart... I need to talk to you... Can I come and meet you?
Me: Sure

And just like that... he was here. No, he didn't specifically come 'coz he was missing me... he just needed me... as a friend, a guide, a listener... Hope I helped him in some way.

When he was leaving, I told him:

Me: You are such a kiddo... I like that. Corporate life has not made you mean or hardened you or conditioned you...
Him: I know... I didn't want to change and I have not.. I am not comfortable with change
Me: Hmm... I have... but then, I believe in change...

We have an amazing bond... and there is only one main reason: We both have a dark side and understand that part about each other...

He is the only friend who has come to meet me out here... even my family is unwilling to travel all the way from home. He has intruded into my dull and drab life... and opened the flood gates of my feelings... Damn, I miss him... These 2 months are going to be difficult.

Good news: Khushi got placed and the job suits her perfectly... Attended first day of my swimming classes... yep, this is the purpose I was talking about... Loved every moment of it.

M Lovin' it!!!

Had a near perfect day... What did I do? Umm... guess? Arre... guess, baba!!!

Party??? Naah
Dinner??? Naah
Movies??? Naah
Sleep??? Naah
Beach??? Naah

Ok... I worked... yep, have been in college for 14 hrs straight... loved every minute of it... Now before you call me a geek.. I didn't study... just worked on html, flash (ok, I tried it yesterday.. found it too confusing... will learn it once guru.T gets back)... but more than, I did what I love to do... editing...
Now I am dead tired but still have loads to do... so, sleep is miles away.

Damn... I am going to miss this life... I love being so busy, I don't have time to think about anyone or anything else... I get so engrossed in what I am doing that you have to scream your lungs out to get my attention.

Anyways, I got to catch up on my laundry before I begin working on assignments (hate this part).

PS: Some people come up to me and compliment me on my blog... It feels good, but it also makes me conscious about what I am writing... I mean, I am better off not knowing who is reading it...
I write for myself, not for anyone else.

You may hate what I write or how I write but that aint gonna stop me...

Purposeful

Have found a (actually 2) purpose... Will blog about it when I accomplish a bit of it... But things are looking up.

I worked... Yippie!!!

• I had a busy day (3 classes and one meeting is considered busy)... I have taken up only one credit of HR and man, the first class rocked... The first theme was about "self", "unlearning", "I" etc... This course covers all these all over again again... Acads have come to a full circle.
• Had a good Update meeting.. for a change all the members turned up. We even have the junie members now... The team is still in the evolution stages... we are into the experimentation phase... there is complete freedom... all ideas are welcome... it is a refreshing change. But arranging a meeting for 10 or more people is damn tough. People hate to meet during or after meal times... weekends are an absolute no no... weekdays are busy.
  
• An acquaintance called me the other day... he calls once in a blue moon to talk... I am not sure, what exactly we talked about 'coz it was quite abstract. I mean, we don't talk about our personal life... but about ourselves... what we feel, think etc. It is very weird.

Me: It is very, very difficult to trust people or open up to them... you just don't know who will betray you when.
Him: I have a simple funda... I just ask myself; "Will I keep in touch with this person 2 years down the line?" If the answer is "Yes"... I trust him/her... else keep a distance. Another funda is, ask yourself; "Will this person lend me money 2 yrs down the line if the need arises?"
Me: Well, that is fine... but what if people who have passed both the tests are the ones who betray you? I have built walls and no bridges... that's why I am waiting to leave.
Him: You know what I went through before I came here; that does not mean I gave up. I moved on... I gave people another chance.
Me: You are right... but for me, this place is jinxed. And I want to leave before something worse happens.

An empty mind is a devil's workshop

As the title suggests, my mind is empty these days... Not 'coz I don't have work... I do, but I am not doing much... and if I am, it is without interest. And that is the weird part... These 1.6 years, I have been pushing myself... First year, I was into extra-curricular... Acads were side-tracked. In the second year, I focused on acads only.. And now, the situation is "Been there, dont that". I am looking for something different, something more. I hate to be idle.. it doesn't suit me.
Today, after a long time; 3 of us (A1, A2 and me) spent time together watching stuff in my room and it was awesome. We watched "Desperate Housewives"... I have always wondered what the hype was all about. But, I loved the series... the wives are funny, smart, bitchy, down-to-earth. I wish it was titled differently... They are not really desperate, but then such titles attract crowds... just like "Sex and the City" does. BTW, the Hindi version is called "Sheher mein sehvaas" (Sex is called sehvaas in hindi: courtesy T). Cheap names for smart women... now, thats degrading.

My PL (Project Leader) allotted me some work (Ok, she caught, gagged, bound me with ropes and watched over me while I finished my work)... and this how it went:
A1: oye purpose less

me: i m working on analysis

dont distrub me!!!

1:59 PM A1: gud...i will nt disturb..u r the most valuable moti in my chain of LSGs

me: wat the fuck!!!

2:00 PM thats it... m not working

m on strike!!!

A1: negotiate

2:01 PM me: nope

call me skinny first

A1: 36-26-36

me: okies...m back to work

2:03 PM A1: thank god..othr wise i wud ve had to shut dwn the wrk n report

me: hehehhe

yeah right!!!

(In A1's room)

Me: You are watching friends while I am slogging my a** off?
A1: Hey, I have been working all morning
Me: I don't care... I am going on strike
S: The Industrial Disputes Act says that you cannot strike without giving a notice to the Govt..
A1: Yeah, send me an official mail first.
Me: Damn you!!!

So, it has been a good day...

Good day

Hmm... had a good day... Went to my fav place out here... I have always wondered why I like to walk... today, I found the answer... it makes me think... I wish I had a paper and pen with me, I would have loved to jot down what I was thinking... I have composed so many poems in my head, the world would have been a better place if I would have written them down.

It is amazing how you can forget the people, but the moments are treasured forever.

Sometimes you are there, and having a good time... and then you think of someone else...and wish you were somewhere else...

Be My Fan

I always wondered how the wierdest people end up having so many fans on Orkut... It didn't make sense to me. I am a fan of only those who I really admire and care about...
Last night, I found how the secret:

p: i have a question to ask...

me: ask

p: hope u dont take it personally..

its abt u?

me: ask

p: why u arent at a certain place where u rightfully belong..?

hope u got the point..

12:33 AM me: wat place?

p: the right place at the right itme?

it isnt too late..
me: i dont....

wat?

lady, be straight

i cant play games?

arre yaar...

fuck u!!!

tell me

12:34 AM p: do unto ur neighbours(nighbours neighbour) as u want them to do unto u!

i am straight...

me: umm... still not getting ya

i will come n strangle ya if u dont tell me

12:36 AM p: k there is no other way illl have to be direct abt this no amount of hinting is workin here.. log on to orkut.. u have a tab on top tht says friends... click on it.. when u reach my id click on the lil star on top of the line up n update it by editing...we even have early bird prizes for thos ewho get ther first.. so go ahead knock urself out lady12:37 AM me: hehhehhee

wierdo...

just say "be my fan"

" i m desperate"

p: so did u do ur neighbour?> as she did u?

huh?

12:38 AM ;)